I Bet you Didn’t Know…                                                                                                                

I taught the Wright brothers how to make planes. I taught Beethoven how to read music. I taught Charles Dickens how to read. When I was 13 I swam the Atlantic Ocean. Herman Melville didn’t write Moby Dick, I did. Charles Darwin got his Theory of Evolution from a paper that I wrote. Pangaea did exist; I was the one who moved the continents to their current places. I am the world’s greatest astrophysicist, anthropologist and Doctor.

I single handedly ended the Hundred Years War. I was Maid Marian in Robin Hood. I was Irene Adler in Sherlock Holmes. I was Belle in Beauty and the Beast. I wrote every Greek Myth. Every instrument that has ever been invented I can play, with extreme accuracy. Wal-Mart was first opened by me. I know every word from every version of the bible. All winter sports were originally my idea. I helped the Beatles compose their songs. Jim Carrey learned comedy from me, so did Robin Williams. My first word was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I can speak every single language. Animals love me.

The Marvel universe and DC comics were my ideas. I invented a time machine, which I used to meet Jeanne D’Arc, Queen Elizabeth and Mary Magdalene.  Long ago  I won all the gold medals in both the summer and the winter Olympics. The Eiffel tower and the statue of liberty were built by me. The Taj Mahal was built by me. The Pyramids were built by me. I fought lions in the Roman Coliseum and won. I have walked the Great Wall of China. I designed the Parthenon in Greece. I have done all these things but I have not yet attended college.  

Well, I was not prepared for that exam. It was the math exam, and who is ever prepared for math? I didn’t study at all. I walked into the gym, why was it always so cold? First things first, where was my seat? They always take so long to give the instructions, I’ve done this before, I knew what to do; the teacher’s voice sounded like a record stuck on replay. Finally they said go. It started out fine, there were factoring questions and fractions, which are not my favourite but they were easy enough. Then I got into the arithmetic and geometric sequences and I lost it. Did we learn this in class? All I could hear was the annoying scratch of pencils, and the click-click-click of calculator keys. Did I mention it was cold? Why didn’t I wear sweater? The paper next to me was taunting, but no, I would never cheat. I could feel my seat growing warmer as I sat there panicking. I moved onto the next question, I didn’t know that one either! The paper in front of me was quite soft but those questions were hard. I could hear my watch ticking away precious minutes. I decided to do my best, which wasn’t much. Never again would I say “no way, I don’t need to study.” I do need to study! That was the worst experience of my life. A month later I got the result, 70%, I passed! 

Spoken Word Poetry

     The poem "We are More" by Shane Koyczan describes what it means to be a Canadian. He begins by listing things that stereotypically represent Canada, but he goes on the anounce that "We believe in generations beyond our own." Canada, in this poem, is so much more than anyone believes.
 "[Canada] is more than just a laundry list of places to see and things to do." There is so much more to Canada than "just hockey and fishing lines," such as inventing  zippers and washing machines. The theme of this poem is that Canada is "the true north, strong and free," and it isn't just said, it is made be. I really like how he uses figurative language in many of the lines. This poem is quite accurate in describing canadians, I believe.



 In the poem "I Believe in the Scriptures" by David Bowden, the speaker is describing why he believes in the bible. I love the way he uses consonance to describe how God made the earth "preparing solar positions with prepositions." He also uses an extended metaphor, comparing creation to a piece of writing "nature's narrative, rich with adjectives." The theme of this poem is obviously that the Bible cannot be denied by christians "when the words are written on [our] skin." I think that this poem is really truthful and I just love the words that the poet uses.


The poem "The Truce of Night" by Lucy Maud Montgomery describes a dark, silent night where we can "partake once more in the happy thoughts of earth." I like the way she uses metaphors to compare the moon to a young girl and other things. The theme of this poem is that in the night things become clearer and easier to think through. My favourite part is when the poet says that "we may share in fairy mirth," which means that we can find the land of the fairies and join in their celebrations.

Homework Blues

    As I shuffled into the classroom, I knew that Mr. Van Camp would never believe me. I looked at my scuffed shoes and mumbled, " My homework is not here, Sir. I do have a good excuse though."

       " This is not the first time your homework has not been completed. Perhaps," Mr. Van Camp suggested, "it's time to speak with your parents."

       "Please, you have no idea what will happen to me if you phone my home," I moaned. It looked as if he was going to fall for my story.

      "Well, let's hear your excuse. It better be good."

     "Well," I began, "yesterday I had my homework done. I'm not lying."

     "Sure you did." interjected Mr. Van Camp.

     I continued "I was finished so I decided to go to a movie with my friends. We went to see 'Big Hero 6' it was awesome! I didn't get home till late."

     "Where is this story going?"

     " I have a point sir. I promise."

     "Then make it!" prompted Mr. Van Camp.
    
     "Okay! I got home late, and I walked into my house and there was fluff everywhere. I was angry because my dog had gotten my favourite stuffed animal, but then I looked a bit harder and there was paper along with the fluff." I explained.

     "Seriously, 'my dog ate my homework'?" exclaimed Mr. Van  Camp, "That is the oldest excuse in the book!"

     I blurted " Let me finish! It wasn't my dog, it was my cat."

     Mr Van Camp looked flabbergasted. "Your cat? You expect me to believe that? I am calling your parents."

     "I knew you wouldn't believe me."

    

Bluffing

The short story “Bluffing” by Gail Helgason depicts a couple who has an encounter with a grizzly bear. The man, Liam, runs away and insists that he “meant the bear to come after [him] instead of [Gabriella],” the girl. This is a lie. Liam is only concerned about his own safety, why just last year “he almost lost his nerve… when he realized that the…climber he was guiding couldn’t set up a belay that gave Liam adequate protection.” It’s also made obvious that he does not consider Gabriella much, when he tells her that he will “head down south” instead of leasing a house with Gabriella, which is what she really wants. Gabriella tells Liam what to do but “he isn’t always willing to [listen] [to] people who might know more than he [does].” Also it is shown in the story that Liam is a good liar, he chases away some boys who were also going to the lake by telling them that they found an animal carcass, which must have been a “dandy breakfast” for a grizzly bear. Liam is obviously deceiving Gabriella.

The Gray Lady

She is old and wrinkled. Her skin is shriveled and gray. With hair that is as bristled as an old broom, she is no fashion model. Clothes hang off her slight frame and her shoes are worn through. She lives in an old dirty house, all alone. Children and grandchildren are nowhere to be found. Her life is hard, full of rain and sorrow. No angel has ever smiled on her. Nobody knows but she loves to sing and dance. Her cares are of no concern to others. She has a voice that is scratched like a favourite old record, from years of abuse and smoking. Her eyes are brown pebbles worn by time. Children run from her, they think of her as a witch. If she could she would have a library full of books, but she is destitute. She is old but she still has dreams. Her dream is to travel the world. Jewelry adorns her every limb, but the gems are fake and the structure homemade. Not once has she felt lucky. Soon, she will die and no one will know for she is old and alone.